if your friends don't inspire you.  then rethink the company you keep.

2

things i've learned at 25

(because it's my last day being 25)

birthday years are just arbitrary numbers, holding no actual claim to the amount of wisdom gained or quality of lessons learned. the weight of knowledge can only be gained in the clarity of your awareness in every individual experience.

when inspiration comes over you at 3am. get out of bed. and write.

parents aren't any more human than you are. not any less. they give what they can in the awareness that they are working from. this is a gift. learn the rest from experience and make your own choices. (though, getting momma's opinion will always matter.)

stop apologizing. for your thoughts, your beliefs, or for declining an in invitation. when your not sorry, don't say sorry.

when an alcoholic drink boasts to be chocolatey... it's not.

don't apologize for not drinking. it doesn't make you any less of an adult and certainly doesn't make you any less refined.

liberation can be found in "no."

a best friend doesn't have to be a person you see everyday. in fact, it may be a person you've not yet met in person. souls recognize each other from across continents.

a whole box of thin mints is rarely a good idea.

kiss more. cause you can.

there is so much to learn, be open. you are wiser than you understand, trust... Trust.

you get by with a little help from your friends.

oh hi.

sometimes starting over

is the only place to begin.

          1

beginning

 

i read this quote by W. H. Murray while reading The War of Art-

 "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it.  Begin it now." 

 

it's hard for me.  the beginning.

the start.

i wrote the following on a post-it about a month before...

so many lines to a story with no beginning and no name
no beginning
begin.

beginning is hard.
it's a tricky thing- beginning.  gathering together all the bits to start, waiting for that perfect moment, until you feel perfect enough about every detail of your life.  a moment thereby impossible to produce. 
get over yourself, carmella.
 begin.
do.

things i've learned at 25

a quarter life crisis is legitimate.  better now than at 50.

a quarter life crisis is an overreaction.  not all 25 year olds are running their own businesses, in fact most are not.  where you are and what you're doing now- is perfect.

if you ever get the impulsive idea to move to the last place you'd ever consider living, like.. texas... do it.  yes, do it!   it will be humid and it will be hard and you might move back in 6 months, but the soul inspiring, life long friendships and unforgettable memories are worth ten fold.

there is deep wisdom in john waters' words - "if you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em."

everyone you know will get married.  it's ok if you're not.

they will start to have babies.  it's ok if you don't.

quirks are much more attractive than perfection.  because perfection isn't real.  it's inauthentic.  and what's inauthentic doesn't feel good in your soul.

cutting out all drama and gossip at 24 is one of the smartest, self nurturing things you could do for yourself.  no jersey shore reruns, no catty magazines.  just the building of resilience...

a resilience that i've learned is actually love.  inevitably, drama will knock, but because you've been housing so much love-resilience, it's incapable of coming through the door.

a minute

i remember when i started collecting these little videos for myself.  these little 60 second clips.  a small piece of my day.  it started with a moment in sedona- everything is magic there.  i found myself in the most amazing shop during the most amazing downpour.  in the back of this shop was small room, full of leaks and creaky floors and statues of buddha.  a small sacred room surrounded by trees and overlooking a creek.  a small sacred and secret room, just for me.  the moment was so amazing that i wanted to remember it forever.  it was the sound!  the sound that my camera wouldn't capture.  and so i pulled out my phone recorded about a minute of this moment.  it's a habit that stuck around- anytime i get inspired by the present, and especially by it's sound, i save a little piece of it.  a minute of complete presence, seemingly mundane, but 60 seconds of total awareness that makes me feel completely alive.  

equinox

fall is a time for transition, a time for change.

i woke up this morning with the great urge to break out of this pensive coma.  i've been hiding out in my own head ever since deciding to travel back to california.  where i am now- happy and yet unsettled.  it's been a challenge to gather myself after 4 cross country drives and a jarring experience in city that i actually really liked, but didn't belong.  so much to say about the last 8 months, but rather, i'm just going to let it go...

i'm seeking now to find balance, to find some calm.  easing into my now.  slowing down- way down.

it's what i do, i rush.  i rush my thoughts, my actions and i get anxious.  i wasn't here for a month when i already started to convince myself that i needed to be elsewhere doing other things.  but it's been my experience that when you aren't completely sure about where you want to be you end up making spontaneous decisions for the sake of changing things up, and you end up in texas.  which, i do believe can be a good thing, if just for all the lessons and revelations along the way.

balance. calm.

living with this nomad heart and the reality that i wont move around for a little while.  and that i do, in fact, choose to stay put.  it is a choice.

embracing my fertile confusion and the reality that i don't know- i just don't know.

guiltlessly focusing on doing more of what i want-  more writing, more art, more time on the mat, more tea drinking and beach visits.  more sharing, more connecting.

fall is my favorite.  change is my favorite.  

even if the change means shifting into a more anchored routine.